Longing

Do you ever feel like you were made for more? I know I do.
It's been weighing on me, almost like it's trying to drag me down. But something I've been learning, is that it doesn't have to be depressing. It doesn't have to be like this huge, overwhelming feeling of failure and disappointment.
I've been noticing that I have a lot of longings. Things that I want so badly that it's like this ginormous hole in my chest that just wont be filled. And sometimes these longings call forth failure and disappointment's rearing head. Which sometimes causes me to hate these longings, fearing them because they make me insecure.

My longings... though they may seem silly or irrational, they are still very real and a prominent stain in the recesses of my mind.

In all the things that I long for, the most dominant longing is to be good at being who God created me to be. Unfortunately, most of the time, I feel like I'm not very good at anything. I feel all these longings and I know that the emptiness they make me feel isn't because I missed my chance. For those of you who know me, and know my history, you would already know how I got where I am. But being a mother of 3, isn't what is stopping me from doing all I long for. The whole point here is that all of these longings are stemming from a much deeper longing, a longing that resonates so deeply within my soul. No matter what all my other longings are, they all point straight to this: I long for heaven. We are all visitors on this planet. This isn't our true home. When we see something that stops our hearts and drops our jaws in awe... you know what I'm getting at... That ache in the depths of your soul. When we see a beautiful sunset, or are made to feel so small watching the ocean waves crash onto the sandy shore. Or Standing at a great height and seeing the whole world below. That moment you feel in the pit of your stomach that aches with awe, wonder and longing. It's because we are ACHING for Heaven. We get these little glimpses, little glimmers of heaven and our souls speak up. We ARE made for more. And it doesn't end with our life. It begins with our death.
Our longings point straight to God. Whether we see it or not, it's true. No matter what we long for there is something deep down that those desires are getting at.
I long to have my husband know me on a supernatural level. To see me, even when I try to hide myself from him. I long for him to know what I need from him without me having to tell him. I long for him to be able to read my heart without reading my mind. Although it is impossible for him to do that, it goes deeper than that. It's a hole that cannot be filled by anyone! Not a soulmate, not a mother or father, not a sister brother or any other person on earth! We were MADE with these holes in us. Holes that only God can fill. And we will never be satisfied until we allow Him to fill them. And even then, we will never be fully satisfied until we are standing before Him in the eternal home He made for us. Learning this about myself has made me want to closer analyze my longings and desires. To get to the heart of what I really want. Not to be self focused, but instead of rejecting the things I long for, I want to get to the root of them. We were made for God. I can not be satisfied without Him.